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Tuesday, December 31, 1974

Watergate Nursery Rhymes

Mother Gooser Nixon

The Watergate Rhymes

Dramatis Personae
A is for Archibald, Cox is the name
B is for Bork, who fired the same
C is for Chapin , a cheery trickster
D is for Dean, a talkative mixter
E is for Ervin, guardian of law
F is for Ford, who is holding the floor
G is for Grey, not clever by half
H is for Haldeman, who made the main gaffe
I is for Impeachment, the senate must vote
J is for Jaworski, the prosecutor can't gloat
K is for Kleindienst, who lied among many
L is for Liddy, who bugged for a penny
M is for Mitchell, the chief of campaign
N is for "Guess Who?", again and again
O is for O'Brien, his phone was on tap
P is for Peterson, justice took a slap
Q is for Queer Street, where they'll all end
R is for Rebozo, he's just a friend
S is for Sirica, before who they arraign
T is for Tricky, that's "Guess Who?" again
U is for Uher, the recorder they used
V is for Vengeance, that can't be refused
W is for Watergate, where all began
X is for Xaveria*, the happy hooker who ran
Y is for Questions, asked by the Post
Z is for Ziegler who doesn't answer most.

Watergate Capers

The Tapes You owe us some tapes
Says the Congress agape
Don't be so eager
Says the hapless Ron Ziegler

We'll keep them all here
Says the voice of St Clair

Just give them up quicker
Says the voice of Sirica

How can we delay?
Asks the White House at bay

Just appeal a bit further
Chimes the great Warren Burger

You must give them up now
Says the court, very low

How were they erased
Ask the experts, amazed

It seems rather vague
Says Alexander Haig

I took out five min
Says Rosie, all forgiv'n

What of the other ten?
Ask the experts again

It's a sinister force
Says Haig, sans remorse
Refrain Oh. clean up this mess
Says the voice of Congress
Watergate Oh, who bugged our suite
Asked the Democrats in defeat
Yes, who placed that bug
Asked Washington in a fug

It was Cubans in exile
Says the House with a smile

Who ordered it done
Asked the judge, not in fun

Maybe it was CREEP
Says Washington still asleep

Has McCord spilled he beans
Asked the voice of John Dean

Less prison's a reward
Says the voice of McCord

Is there a cover-up
Asks a reporting young pup

Yes there has been,
Says the voice of John Dean

Oh what was the reason
Ask the people with a frisson

Because we're embroiled
Says Nixon, rather roiled

Oh who can we roast
Asks the Washington Post

Just anyone but me
Says John Dean with glee

Who shall we indict
Asks the jury with might

Just Nixon's top aides
Says Jaworski, unafraid.
Refrain Oh. clean up this mess
Says the voice of Congress

A Chronological Cycle

One, two, Nixon screwed you.
Three, four, the law's at the door.
Five, six, Nixon says nix.
Seven, eight, lawyers debate.
Nine, ten, then he screwed you again.

John, John, the Nixon aide
Of the law was unafraid
The law was broke, and John was took,
And John went off to pokey


Little Miss Rosie
In her office quite cozy
Typed up the tapes one day
When in came a phone call
At which she dropped all
And erased bits of tapes away.

Tricky Dick

Tricky old President Nixon, he taped ten thousand words
He played them on his recorder and he wound them back again
And when they were there, they were there.
And when they were gone, they were gone.
But when they were only transcribed, then they were neither there nor gone.

The Raid
As I was going on a plumbers' raid,
I met a chief with seven aides.
Each aide had seven tapes.
Each tape had seven tracks.
Each track had seven gaps.
Gaps, track, tapes, aides,
How many were going on the raid?

A Song

Sing a song of Nixon.
A White House full of slime.
Four and twenty CREEPers tangled in a crime
As the crime's uncovered, some begin to sing.
Now wasn't that a sordid bit of electioneering?

Cover Up
The Chief was in the White House, covering up the links.
The Post was on the track, uncovering all the finks.
The Law was in its office, trying to pin it on them all.
When down came the president and tried to fire them all.
But along came the Senate and reinstated them.

Old King Nixon
Old Archie Cox
Was a wily old fox,
And a wily old fox was he.
He called for Dick's tapes,
And he called for Dick's books,
And he called for Dick's tricksters three.

Old tricky Dick
Was a rotten old stick,
And a rotten old stick was he.
He stuck to his tapes,
And he stuck to his books,
But he lost his tricksters three.

Archibald Cox

Little Archie Cox sat upon a box,
A recording tape on his knee.
He pressed with his thumb,
And heard just a hummm.....
And said, "What a bad boy is he."

Robber Nixon

Nixon was a Yankee
Nixon was a thief.
Nixon stole the White House
With tricks beyond belief.

I went to Nixon's house
Nixon was afraid.
The House impeached the President
And indicted all his aides.


There was an old man in the House
Who had the morals of a louse.
When they asked "Was it you?"
He threw them Agnew.
That disloyal old person in the House.

A Crooked Man

There was a crooked man, And he ran a crooked race.
He placed a crooked bug in the Watergate place.
He had some crooked pals who covered for the louse,
And they all lived together in the crooked White House.

There was a crooked man, he was crooked but astute.
He had his crooked bagmen collect the crooked loot.
They took a crooked sixpence from the milkman's crooked stile.
To say nothing of his baby's million dollar smile.

 A Pox on Cox
A pox, a pox upon Archibald Cox
A man who stands as steady as rocks,
But he's better by far than Richard who nixes,
And nixes, and nixes, and doesn't pay taxes.

At the Watergate
Haldeman, Erlichman, Mitchell, and Dean, where have all your associates been?
They've all been in Washington, creeping around the political scene.
Haldeman, Erlichman, Mitchell, and Dean, what did they all there?
Oh, they just bugged the Democrat's Watergate lair.

What happened then, Haldeman, Erlichman, Mitchell, and Dean?
The plot was uncovered, but we covered, re-covered, till then
Through the Washington Post and big Sam Ervin,
The story broke loose, so we stalled, and we lied,
We covered and covered, and we tried and we tried;
Till at last they were tried!
Haldeman, Erlichman, Mitchell, and Dean, where have all your associates gone?
They've all gone to prison, till they sing a good song.