Watergate Nursery Rhymes

Mother Gooser Nixon

The Watergate Rhymes

Dramatis Personae

A is for Archibald, Cox is the name

B is for Bork, who fired the same
C is for Chapin , a cheery trickster
D is for Dean, a talkative mixter
E is for Ervin, guardian of law
F is for Ford, who is holding the floor
G is for Grey, not clever by half
H is for Haldeman, who made the main gaffe
I is for Impeachment, the senate must vote
J is for Jaworski, the prosecutor can't gloat
K is for Kleindienst, who lied among many
L is for Liddy, who bugged for a penny
M is for Mitchell, the chief of campaign
N is for "Guess Who?", again and again
O is for O'Brien, his phone was on tap
P is for Peterson, justice took a slap
Q is for Queer Street, where they'll all end
R is for Rebozo, he's just a friend
S is for Sirica, before who they arraign
T is for Tricky, that's "Guess Who?" again
U is for Uher, the recorder they used
V is for Vengeance, that can't be refused
W is for Watergate, where all began
X is for Xaveria*, the happy hooker who ran
Y is for Questions, asked by the Post
Z is for Ziegler who doesn't answer most.

Watergate Capers

The Tapes	You owe us some tapes Says the Congress agape Don't be so eager Says the hapless Ron Ziegler We'll keep them all here Says the voice of St Clair Just give them up quicker Says the voice of Sirica How can we delay? Asks the White House at bay Just appeal a bit further Chimes the great Warren Burger You must give them up now Says the court, very low How were they erased Ask the experts, amazed It seems rather vague Says Alexander Haig I took out five min Says Rosie, all forgiv'n What of the other ten? Ask the experts again It's a sinister force Says Haig, sans remorse
Refrain	Oh. clean up this mess Says the voice of Congress
Watergate	Oh, who bugged our suite Asked the Democrats in defeatYes, who placed that bug Asked Washington in a fug It was Cubans in exile Says the House with a smile Who ordered it done Asked the judge, not in fun Maybe it was CREEP Says Washington still asleep Has McCord spilled he beans Asked the voice of John Dean Less prison's a reward Says the voice of McCord Is there a cover-up Asks a reporting young pup Yes there has been, Says the voice of John Dean Oh what was the reason Ask the people with a frisson Because we're embroiled Says Nixon, rather roiled Oh who can we roast Asks the Washington Post Just anyone but me Says John Dean with glee Who shall we indict Asks the jury with might Just Nixon's top aides Says Jaworski, unafraid.
Refrain	Oh. clean up this mess Says the voice of Congress

A Chronological Cycle

One, two, Nixon screwed you.

Three, four, the law's at the door.

Five, six, Nixon says nix.

Seven, eight, lawyers debate.

Nine, ten, then he screwed you again.

John, John, the Nixon aide

Of the law was unafraid

The law was broke, and John was took,

And John went off to pokey

Erasures

Little Miss Rosie

In her office quite cozy

Typed up the tapes one day

When in came a phone call

At which she dropped all

And erased bits of tapes away.

Tricky Dick

Tricky old President Nixon, he taped ten thousand words

He played them on his recorder and he wound them back again

And when they were there, they were there.

And when they were gone, they were gone.

But when they were only transcribed, then they were neither there nor gone.


The Raid

As I was going on a plumbers' raid,

I met a chief with seven aides.

Each aide had seven tapes.

Each tape had seven tracks.

Each track had seven gaps.

Gaps, track, tapes, aides,

How many were going on the raid?

A Song

Sing a song of Nixon.

A White House full of slime.

Four and twenty CREEPers tangled in a crime

As the crime's uncovered, some begin to sing.

Now wasn't that a sordid bit of electioneering?

Cover Up

The Chief was in the White House, covering up the links.

The Post was on the track, uncovering all the finks.

The Law was in its office, trying to pin it on them all.

When down came the president and tried to fire them all.

But along came the Senate and reinstated them.
 

Old King Nixon

Old Archie Cox

Was a wily old fox,

And a wily old fox was he.

He called for Dick's tapes,

And he called for Dick's books,

And he called for Dick's tricksters three.

Old tricky Dick

Was a rotten old stick,

And a rotten old stick was he.

He stuck to his tapes,

And he stuck to his books,

But he lost his tricksters three.


Archibald Cox

Little Archie Cox sat upon a box,

A recording tape on his knee.

He pressed with his thumb,

And heard just a hummm.....

And said, "What a bad boy is he."

Robber Nixon

Nixon was a Yankee

Nixon was a thief.

Nixon stole the White House

With tricks beyond belief.

I went to Nixon's house

Nixon was afraid.

The House impeached the President

And indicted all his aides.

Limerick.

There was an old man in the House

Who had the morals of a louse.

When they asked "Was it you?"

He threw them Agnew.

That disloyal old person in the House.

A Crooked Man

There was a crooked man, And he ran a crooked race.

He placed a crooked bug in the Watergate place.

He had some crooked pals who covered for the louse,

And they all lived together in the crooked White House.

There was a crooked man, he was crooked but astute.

He had his crooked bagmen collect the crooked loot.

They took a crooked sixpence from the milkman's crooked stile.

To say nothing of his baby's million dollar smile.


 A Pox on Cox

A pox, a pox upon Archibald Cox

A man who stands as steady as rocks,

But he's better by far than Richard who nixes,

And nixes, and nixes, and doesn't pay taxes.

At the Watergate

Haldeman, Erlichman, Mitchell, and Dean, where have all your associates been?

They've all been in Washington, creeping around the political scene.

Haldeman, Erlichman, Mitchell, and Dean, what did they all there?

Oh, they just bugged the Democrat's Watergate lair.

What happened then, Haldeman, Erlichman, Mitchell, and Dean?

The plot was uncovered, but we covered, re-covered, till then

Through the Washington Post and big Sam Ervin,

The story broke loose, so we stalled, and we lied,

We covered and covered, and we tried and we tried;

Till at last they were tried!

Haldeman, Erlichman, Mitchell, and Dean, where have all your associates gone?

They've all gone to prison, till they sing a good song.